Prologue: I gotta get this off of my chest: "I'm one of the greatest wing men in the history of wingmen!" But the moment I let my new friend fly solo he crashed the damn plane into the side of Everest. What the shit? If a girl is intentionally throwing you 100% hittable pitches why the hell aren't you swinging? Anyway here's my story for Prague, Czech Republic.
DISCLAIMER: Because I don't want to run into problems I will use the names Eric Northman and Patty Mayonaise for the people I met and stayed with in Prague.
Chapter 1: Black people must be rare here...
The trip here was pretty long and yeah I got lost but getting lost also took me to a part of Prague that I don't think many black people have ever ventured. I felt like a white woman on a National Geographic show that went to an African village where little black children never seen a white person before. Everyone stared at me, I thought I had some shit on my face haha. God as my witness, one guy pulled out a camera very secretively and took a picture. He tried to aim the camera so it looked like he wasn't taking my picture but com'on man... Dude even tried to hide it when I looked up at him haha.
Either way I made it to my destination and my host Patty Mayonaise is as cool as the other side of the pillow. She is super smart and working on her PhD, can play the piano, loves to live, learn, and laugh, the modern day super girl. I didn't get a chance to cook her a meal, one of her prerequisites for staying at her home but I took her out for dinner and she shared an amazing story of a 92 year old woman that says don't ever get married lolol. Hopefully we cross paths again in the future. :)
Chapter 2: Eric Northman, the other surfer
Patty Mayonaise already had a surfer in her flat, Eric Northman, and he was an interesting guy. Let me tell you about my boy Eric Northman. He's 6' 3", from Sweden, has a masters degree, loves to party, and LOVES WOMEN :)! He doesn't drink beer but loves a good scotch and just recently had a venture to Brazil that made him fall in love with JUNK IN THE TRUNK haha. Now Eric is a very persistent guy and goes by the slogan "you haven't succeeded until you've failed," and that's actually a pretty cool way to live and lemme tell you, homeboy has swagger over lvl 9000!!! #DBZ
Let me preach:
The first day that I'm here he literally hits on everything that walks by. For every 3 misses he'd get a hit so roughly he was batting .250. I on the other hand have wisdom and play the quick/slow game, I will try to lean In get hit by a pitch, bunt, but swing every now and then because It's a more effective way to get on base IMO, you never know what I'm going to do.
Anyways (INSERT POKEMON REFERENCES)
The most effective item when battling these wild women Pokemon is to use 5 alcoholic rare candies so you can level up your confidence. When your confidence trumps her beauty you attack her with FLIRT and it has a 55% chance to be SUPER EFFECTIVE. If she has good defense you may have to wear her down with attacks such as: BUY HER A DRINK and COMPLIMENTS. BUT Be careful, some of these wild women Pokemon have an attack called ROAR that scares trainers away. Hahaha
Back to the story...
We must have drank Prague dry of ciders and beer because at 10pm I was once again wasted. We meet up with the two Netherlands powerpuff girls and plan the night. (Please read last blog entry to know who the powerpuff girls are)
Roxy was the name of the club and it was AWESOME! Deep house, progressive house, and electro. I was in heaven and danced my ass off BUT Eric was once again swinging away until he found her. We don't know her name but afterward called her "THE GRINDER." I saw the pitches she was throwing him, they were right down the center and 10mph so I took a step back and let him work, I even bought him a drink. THE GRINDER grinded the hell out of Eric on the dance floor, three solid hours of grindage. Even a little dance floor friskiness going on, hands all over each other in places they shouldn't go in public :-O haha...
Let's pause for a second there.
...Short break
Continued...
You ever just shake your head at somebody for messing up? I was angry at the world, and at Eric because he didn't FINISH #FellOverFirstHurdle. THE GRINDER even brought up where she was staying later and asked where he was staying and if he was in the same Hostel in casual convo and her friend didn't even stop the situation... I proclaim I'm a great wingman, yes, but Eric didn't swing and she just walked away. I didn't do a damn thing but sit there and Watch it crumple lol
All my friends know the true scale where 5 is average... She was a 9!!!!! She was a rare Pokemon MAN! An Articuno that allows you the chance to catch her. She was the one fish he caught for the day, not to mention there were no signs for catch and release and he throws it back in the water. So many analogies and metaphors are running through my head.
Let that sink in for a second
Anyway, Eric dropped the ball, you could say epically but we will just go with, "he fumbled." I, had a great time though. Sometimes you gotta dance especially when you're surrounded by people whom were born in years that you remember vividly and when your mind is elsewhere.
Finale
Don't sleep on Prague! It's a great city and VERY inexpensive (a beer is 39czech crowns convert that and you'll see) also whatever you go there for you'll get it! Hell, I gambled one night and made 350€ from a $10 bet. Shit happens! Enjoy the culture and honestly don't be a damn tourist be a "Czech." :)
Remember, Life will always be about the story so make sure yours is the best one yet.
On the way to Vienna.
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