Berlin was the FUNNIEST part of my entire trip. Let me just tell you, French people are pretty friggin' awesome. Especially the ones that know their English accent is shit and is exactly like the movies and comedians depict. If you meet a French person like this, you are in for a treat.
DISCLAIMER: Because I don't want to run into problems I will use the names Cogsworth and Lumière, for those of you who figured it out, they're the Clock and candlestick from "Beauty and the Beast."
Day 1
I wake up in my hostel hurt and sleep deprived from the night before and since it's a "dorm" style hostel, I wake up to two new dudes. They are both from France and their English was actually really good it's just their pronunciation sucked!
Enter Cogsworth and Lumière!
Cogsworth was pretty cool, he is about 5'8" with a simple cut, simple style, and brawny scruff.. a looker for the ladies just a tad too short. And Lumière is a about the same but taller about 6'2" and the exact hair cut that Brad Pitt had in the movie fight club.
They wake up look at me, I look at then and I say, "breakfast?" they say, "beer? And it was a match made in heaven.
We started drinking at 9am in the mofo morning. The best was they were on the same schedule as me too, no tourism, just have fun and be a German.
We walk for about an hour before we decide to just bar hop it and then Lumière's accent took over!
He orders a drink that's sweet and super fancy
*french accent*
"I am a man, how will I enjoy this?"
#chugsdrink
"I am a man, so I drink it!"
After that bar we hop to a beachesque type of bar and order more drinks. Lumière and Cogsworth accidentally get a 2% beer and are pissed but you know the rule "thou shalt finish ones drink before the bar hop continues," so we sit and drink.
Out of nowhere a bee comes and wants to hang out with the crew. It hung with us for a solid 20 mins as we sat there drinking. We even filled a bottle cap with the nectar from the gods And the bee drank it!
The Bee aka Sophie must have been stressed. Working all day gathering pollen, making honey, being swatted at by everyone. #toughlife
I wasn't paying attention and slam my glass onto the table right on top of Sophie!
NOOOOOOO!
Lumière sees this and immediately says:
*french accent*
"stupid American... Have no respect for nature"
And starts laughing
I felt so bad so let's have a moment of silence for the hardworking Sophie. Ima pour some liquor out for my fallen homie.
The group had one purpose and that was to get drunk and you know what? I didn't mind it!
After our 8th bar Allie Calhoun (she is a character from previous stories) sends me a message to meet up for drinks and food at a restaurant where I tried 1,000 year old eggs.
We get drinks at a place called "monkey bar" which is a famous sky bar and I recommend it to all travelers.
After 4 whiskeys my coherentness is shot and I call it a night, great first night in Berlin.
Day 2
I wake up in pure pain!
Motor skills weak, eyes burning, little person tap dancing on my forehead, and the worst taste in my mouth...
Never mix wine, beer, and whiskey.
I somehow get out of bed at 9am and go to the bathroom for the morning routine.
Everyman shares the same morning routine... The three S's: Shower, shit, shave. It's a common practice by most if not all men.
Anyways
This particular morning you can add a V to my routine. Once I'm in the shower and start the lathering I feel that the trigger has been pulled and I jump out of the tub with cat like reflexes and aim with extreme precision and proceed to projectile vomit directly into the toilet.
Now here's the sucky part..
I was all soapy, and the floor was smooth tile... I slip and I eat it!
Like I was hungry!
I gather myself complete the morning routine bruises and all and once I get back in the room the Frenchmen say "Beer" and we begin to drink again.
The day consisted of drinking, rain, thrifting, and recruiting for the night.
This particular night me and Cogsworth were on the sauce and recruited a group of 6 girls to go to the club called "Weekend" another skybar/club. Now if you don't know anything about clubbing in Berlin, always have a higher ratio of girls to guys it's easier to get in.
INSERT DEEP HOUSE!
We literally dance for 7 hours and leave the club at 7am.
Lumière tired and wasted looks at me and says:
*french accent*
"You are the best American ever!"
I'd say Berlin was a success and an amazing city. I didn't do it like a tourist, I did it like a native with a NYC flare. Yeah I spent a bunch of time having drinks with two of the funniest Frenchmen ever. But I leave you with this quote:
"Some of the best times had are with good drinks, good people, and good conversation"
Life will always be about the story so make sure yours is the best one yet.
Dex
PS the best photo I took of Berlin 
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